Thursday, 07 November 2019 08:39

Comedy piece - Google and Pizza ordering

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CALLER:

Is this Gordon's Pizza?

GOOGLE:

No sir, it's Google Pizza.

CALLER: 

I must have dialled a wrong number. 

GOOGLE: 

No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza.

CALLER: 

OK.  I would like to order a pizza.

GOOGLE: 

Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER:

My usual? You know me?

GOOGLE:

According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times

you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three

cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs.

CALLER: 

OK! That’s what I want ...

GOOGLE:

May I suggest that this time you order a pizza

with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and

olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust.

CALLER: 

What? I detest vegetable!

GOOGLE: 

Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

CALLER: 

How the hell do you know!

GOOGLE:

Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number

with your medical records.  We have the result of

your blood tests for the last 7 years.

CALLER:

Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! 

I already take medication for my cholesterol.

GOOGLE:    Excuse me sir, but you have not taken

your medication regularly.  According to our database,

you purchased   only a   box of 30 cholesterol tablets

once, at Walgreens, 4 months ago.

CALLER: 

I bought more from another drugstore.

GOOGLE: 

That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.

CALLER: 

I paid in cash.

GOOGLE: 

But you did not withdraw enough cash

according to your bank statement.

CALLER: 

I have other sources of cash.

GOOGLE:   That doesn’t show on your last tax return

unless you bought them using an undeclared income

source, which is against the law.

CALLER: 

WHAT THE HELL!

GOOGLE: 

I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only

with the sole intention of helping you.

CALLER:

Enough already!  I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook,

Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others.  I'm going to an

island without internet, cable TV, where there is no

cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.

GOOGLE: 

I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first.

It expired 6 weeks ago... 

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