Comedy piece - Google and Pizza ordering


Is this Gordon's Pizza?


No sir, it's Google Pizza.


I must have dialled a wrong number. 


No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza.


OK.  I would like to order a pizza.


Do you want your usual, sir?


My usual? You know me?


According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times

you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three

cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs.


OK! That’s what I want ...


May I suggest that this time you order a pizza

with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and

olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust.


What? I detest vegetable!


Your cholesterol is not good, sir.


How the hell do you know!


Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number

with your medical records.  We have the result of

your blood tests for the last 7 years.


Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! 

I already take medication for my cholesterol.

GOOGLE:    Excuse me sir, but you have not taken

your medication regularly.  According to our database,

you purchased   only a   box of 30 cholesterol tablets

once, at Walgreens, 4 months ago.


I bought more from another drugstore.


That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.


I paid in cash.


But you did not withdraw enough cash

according to your bank statement.


I have other sources of cash.

GOOGLE:   That doesn’t show on your last tax return

unless you bought them using an undeclared income

source, which is against the law.




I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only

with the sole intention of helping you.


Enough already!  I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook,

Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others.  I'm going to an

island without internet, cable TV, where there is no

cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.


I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first.

It expired 6 weeks ago... 

2016 Lamb Australia Day commercial

Sam Kekovich, Australia's ambassador for lamb is at it again, producing the 2015 Lamb Commercial for Australia Day.

The commercial has been labelled racist and insulting toward vegans, but we do live in the 'era of outrage'.  According to a News Corp survey, the overwhelming majority love it, so we will leave it up to you to judge and enjoy.

Soccer Shootout

This video has had over 25,000,000 YouTube views.

A hilarious soccer penalty shootout.



The Solicitors Porsche - humour at the expense of lawyers

A Solicitor parked his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues.

As he was getting out of the car, a truck came speeding along too close to the kerb and took off the door before zooming off.

More than a little distraught, the Solicitor grabbed his mobile and called the police.

Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman had a chance to ask any questions, the man started screaming hysterically: "My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. No matter how long it's at the panel beaters, it'll simply never be the same again!"
After the man finally finished his rant, the policeman shook his head in disgust.

"I can't believe how materialistic you bloody Solicitors are." he said. "You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life."

"How can you say such a thing at a time like this?" sobbed the Porsche owner.

The policeman replied: "Didn't you realise that your arm was torn off when the truck hit you?"

The Solicitor looked down in horror.
"F***ing hell!" he screamed. "Where's my Rolex?"

Now you can throw a shoe at Abbott and Rudd

With the election campaign trail hotting up, do you find yourself wanting to throw a sandwich or a shoe at either (or both) of our political leaders.

Well, now you can.

The free to download iPad / iPhone application called "Abbott vs Rudd" can be found in the App Store by searching for 'election'.

The game allows the user to either throw a sandwich or a shoe at either candidate, scoring  higher points for a head shot.  Gamers also have the pleasure of being able to stop the candidate talking with an accurate shoe shot as real voice audio is contained in the game.

Bonus points are awarded for repeat accuracy.  Julia Gillard even makes random entries onto the screen shouting out "mysogynist", and additional points are given for smearing a sandwich on our first female Prime Minister.

While clearly not a game for the whole family, this little application may just help you vent your electoral frustrations between now and the 7th Sept, without requiring any bail money.

Euro Crisis cartoon explanation

For anybody who doesnt fully understand the Euro situation,
it is explained very simply in the picture below.........





Greek Economy

It is a slow day in a little Greek Village. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted.    Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, stops at the local hotel and lays a $100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.

The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the $100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the $100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer.   The pig farmer takes the $100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.   The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the $100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the taverna.   The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him "services" on credit.    The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the $100 note.

The hotel proprietor then places the $100 note back on the counter so the rich traveller will not suspect anything.   At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, picks up the $100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.

No one produced anything.

No one earned anything.

However, the whole village is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how the Greek Economy works.